Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
