also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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