Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
