He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
