Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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