Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can't turn off my feet"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
