nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
