I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
