i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
