My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
