I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
