dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
