Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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