OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
