I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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