masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
