I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
