Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
