Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Boobs are out for the taking
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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