I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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