so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
