y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
