You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
