So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your penis caused this!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
