I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
