Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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