is your mom at the bar?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
