this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
