He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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