I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
