I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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