Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
