so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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