Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
