I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Too much gin, very little bucket
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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