Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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