UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
