Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
