dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
