I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
