i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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