I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
