i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
