OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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