As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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