It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
