So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
