I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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