oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
