i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
