whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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