in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
